Dear Steve and Lynelle,

I found out that my little sister, and I mean little, recently posted risqué photos of herself on myspace.com. I am 21 years old and my sister is only 13. I also have a myspace page and wondered why she would never accept me as a friend. I have not been able to view her page until recently when I had another friend allow me to look at her page under his name.

And I was shocked at what I saw.

While on vacation last summer — with my parents — she and a friend managed to take photos on the beach with the skimpiest bathing suits I have ever seen. She might as well be naked, which is where I’m afraid this is going to lead.

I have confronted my sister about the pictures and told her to take them down. For about a week they were gone and then she deleted her page entirely. I just found out recently, though, that she just changed her name and set up a different account.

I confronted her again and threatened to tell my parents, but she said she’ll just keep changing her name online and profile so they can’t find her.

I’ve explained to her how dangerous this can be and that she doesn’t know who has copied or downloaded these pictures. They could pop up later in her life or get her into trouble now. She’s 13. She just doesn’t understand.

As far as I’m concerned, I consider these photographs child pornography. They are bad. And I’m not just saying this because it’s my sister. My friends didn’t realize she was 13 because the photographs make her look 18 or older.

What do I do? How do I make her understand?

Steve: You’ve answered your own question: There’s really nothing you can do. If she wants to put risqué pictures of herself on myspace, she’s going to do it and she’ll do it in a way that keeps her family in the dark.

We live in a sexualized culture and kids see stuff on the Internet that was never available in such quantities to previous generations. It’s led to a coarseness of society that people seem to thrive on because they need immediate stimuli. All of the reasons that appall you about her photos — the danger, the child porn aspects — are exciting to her because she sees everyone else doing it, and she gets a lot of attention that way.

But you’re right when you say she just doesn’t understand. She might look 18, but she has the mind of a child. How do you get through to that mind? Whatever she’s been taught about morality and sexuality can’t match the excitement she feels as a cyber pinup for her “friends.” When you’re 13, of course, there is no future. It’s all now.

It sounds as if you’ve tried the tough love approach and failed. The tone of your question seems to leave little room for understanding. Time for a new strategy. See if she’s interested in doing anything else except trolling myspace. Offer to take her to a movie, a concert, a sporting event and see what she’s interested in. Get her talking about things, but don’t talk down to her. Let her know what she says and thinks matters. Let her know there’s more to life than “cyber friends.”

Of course, you can’t be with her all the time, and she’ll go back to myspace. But maybe you can help her mature to the point that she places more importance on being involved in life than playacting on the Internet.